A Collection of Minor Hexes and Blessings was originally published to The Balancing Path column on Patheos Pagan, on November 9, 2020. It is presented here with some edits from the original.

It seems like the whole world has been particularly heavy and serious of late, so today I bring you a collection of minor hexes and blessings.  You are welcome to do with them as you will, be that just reading them for amusement, throwing them off-the-cuff, or incorporating them into spellcraft.  You can even look someone in the eye and recite one of these at them without putting any magic behind it, for psychological affect.  I have written them predominantly for amusement value, but they are all viable incantations.

If you are interested in a deep look at how to approach baneful magic, please go read my article Ethical Baneful Magic for all Skill and Experience Levels.

If you are interested in a deep look at how to approach blessing magic, please go read my article An Introduction to the Craft of Blessing Magic.

If you are interested in a look at the interrelation between baneful and blessing magic, please go read my article The Interplay of Baneful and Blessing Magic.

Any and all of those articles will give you a good idea of how I approach the ethics and morality of conducting both baneful and blessing magic.  So, without further ado…

A Collection of Minor Hexes

May your farts always be wet.
May your nose be always full of boogers.
May your nose run with snot any time you wish to impress someone.
May your hair always be in disarray.
May your fingernails always be dirty and broken.
May your body odor always be strong and offensive.
When you travel, may the vehicles you are in frequently break down.
May your food be poorly prepared and disappointing.
May you always attract flies.
May your deliveries be late.
May you always be late to appointments.
May your socks always have holes.
May your lightbulbs burn out quickly.
May you always encounter unavoidable spoilers.
May your toilet always be clogging.
May you run out of toilet paper.
May birds poop on your head.
May you always lose one, and only one, sock from a pair.
May your socks always slide down into your shoes.
May your makeup never stay looking nice for very long.
May you always find a rock or pebble or burr in your shoe.
May you always forget your umbrella or have it break on you.
May your lipstick go rancid.
May your big toe always itch in lace-up shoes.
May your Wi-Fi always be spotty.
May your waistband always be moist.
May your eyes ever be crusty.

May the top of your butt crack always drip with sweat.
May your razors always develop rust.
May you be delicious to mosquitoes.
May your commute be always into the rising and setting sun.
May the zipper on your fly always fall open.
May you always encounter long lines.
May you always have hangnails.
May the elastic on your underwear fail.
May your menstrual protection always leak.
May you pee when you laugh.
May you fart when you laugh.
May your office breakroom always smell of fish.
May your office lunches disappear.
May the surfaces you encounter be sticky.
May your pizza be soggy.
May your french fries be cold.
May your flip-flop thongs break.
May your high heel catch in a crack in the sidewalk.
May the heels break off your shoes.
May strangers always fart in the elevator with you.
May the handles on your bags break.
May the plumbing in your home always drip.
May you catch your baby toe on your furniture.
May the smelly person always sit beside you on public transit.
May you step in gum barefoot.
May you step in poop.
May your cat miss the litterbox.
May your pets always have gas.
May your air conditioner break.
May your car run out of gas.
May your mother always call at dinner time.

May telemarketers call your cell phone at 3am when your ringer is on.
May your next-door neighbor be an inconsiderate DJ.
May your neighbors throw loud parties.
May your refrigerator freeze your milk.
May your flatware always taste metallic.
May your sinks drain slowly.
May your streaming service need to buffer.
May the Bluetooth in your car fail.
May your tires leak air.
May your bicycle seat chafe.
May you develop chronic heat rash.
May your rain boots have a hole.
May your shovel handles have splinters.
May you constantly misplace your keys.
May you constantly misplace your phone.
May every light turn red as you approach.
May pens break spectacularly when you use them.
May the crotch of your pants always tear.
May you make a Freudian Slip any time you attempt to lie.
May random insects fly into your mouth.
May a fly always land on your food and drink.
May your shoes give you blisters.

A Collection of Minor Blessings

May you wake refreshed in the morning.
May your dreams be pleasant.
May your day be full of joyful encounters.
May you have the best of luck.
May your commute be pleasant and smooth.
May you always have help when you need it.
May your flowers bloom bright and long.
May your garden be healthy and vibrant.
May your health be good.
May your family be healthy and happy.
May you always have your needs met.
May you never run out of gas.
May biting insects avoid you.
May every light turn green as you approach.
May you always find your keys.
May you always find your phone.
May you never forget something at the store.
May your Wi-Fi always be reliable.
May you avoid sunburns.
May you find time to enjoy your hobbies.

May your relaxation time be uninterrupted.
May your dice always roll well.
May your food be well prepared and delicious.
May you encounter kindness wherever you go.
May your hair always look perfect.
May your makeup always look perfect.
May you have energy all day.
May your favorite things be available to you.
May you find a new joy today.
May you find a new friend.
May your friendships be true and deep.
May your travels be safe and enjoyable.
May you have a long life with good health.
May you always have food on your table.
May you always have a comfortable home.
May your neighbors respect the peace and sanctity of your home.
May you always get to see your favorite shows.
May you always have time to read.
May your plumbing never leak.
May your car run smoothly.
May your air conditioner always work.
May you never drop your phone.
May you never lose your wallet.
May your identity always be yours, and yours alone.
May you get good grades in school.
May you always find time to learn about things that interest you.
May you always have the courage and ability to be true to yourself.
May your days be asshole free.
May your online spaces be free from trolls.

May you always have friends who are true.
May you always find convenient parking.
May your joints and muscles be free of aches and pains.
May your skin be clear and bright.
May you be successful today.
May you have peace and joy.
May you be given fantastic news.
May you finally get that thing you have always wanted.
May you get a good raise at work.
May you notice beauty everywhere you go.
May you be inspired.
May you overflow with creativity.
May your projects see completion and be everything you hoped and more.
May you see the beauty in yourself.
May you find true confidence in yourself.
May you conquer every obstacle that is in front of you.
May your hopes see fruition.
May you be surrounded by true friends.
May you have time to enjoy your hobbies.
May you be filled with creativity.
May the tiresome tasks in your life prove easier than expected.
May you receive unexpected wonderful opportunities.

A Handful of Incantations that can be either Blessings or Curses, Depending on the Recipient and the Underlying Intent

May you get everything you deserve.
May you spend time in peaceful solitude.
May you travel a lot.
May you spend time with your parents and siblings.
May you get a new job.
May you spend time focused on minutia.
May ghosts and spirits make themselves known in your presence.
Do as thou wilt.