As far back as I can remember into my childhood, I wanted to live a life free from regrets. Now that I am in my 40’s I have a rather large number of them, but I also do not feel like I let myself down. When I said “free from regrets”, what I really meant was “wouldn’t go back to change it if I could.” Accumulating regrets is a natural part of living, and although I do regret how things turned out now and again, I respect and understand all my choices that led up to those things. I can’t think of a single one where I look back and genuinely wish I had made another choice.
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It is never too late to set boundaries, to heal, and to respect yourself. That road tends to be long, winding, and full of setbacks, but that is a painfully natural and necessary part of the process. Those setbacks, no matter how many times they happen, and no matter how severe they are, do not define the outcome. You do. So, when you get knocked down, take a rest if you need to, do what you must to take care of yourself, get back up, and keep fighting. You, your happiness, and your wellbeing are worth it.
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Chapter 23 – My situation with my family is tragic, but the tragedy is not found in the act of walking entirely away from them. The tragedy is in the fact that they were not capable of being family that was worth having. I will forever be grateful that I was able to understand that fact, and eventually walked away from them for good.
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Chapter 21 – Chronic manipulation and abuse are difficult enough to deal with when you are well. When I developed a chronic illness, maintaining my boundaries became an even more overwhelming task.
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Chapter 20 – It is extremely normal for people to assume Diana and I are a lesbian couple, but despite how much we love each other, our relationship is not based in romance and sex. I love and value all my friendships, but the friendship I have with Diana is the one that I know I can count on for the rest of my life, through the good and the bad, until death do we part. With her in my life, I am no longer lonely, and neither is she.
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Chapter 19 – I believed Older Brother was my best friend, so I expected honesty, support, and genuine friendship. His deceit allowed him to manipulate me with impunity until his patience ran out and he showed his true colors.
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Chapter 17 – Somehow, despite obviously hating himself, Father also gave the impression he saw himself as perfection incarnate. He also fancied himself a super-genius, and no, I am not kidding or exaggerating about that.
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Chapter 16 – When Younger Brother got engaged, he decided he wanted to reconnect, but not in a typical way. He invited Older Brother and I to stand by his side at the wedding. It was a gesture that stunned both of us, and both of us accepted in hopes of a closer relationship, but the end result was very much the opposite.
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Chapter 10 – I do not think I will ever entirely get over how badly I was bullied or how poorly I was treated as a small child, especially given how much those things benefited my parents.
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Chapter 5 – I remember filling the fridge with literal mud pies when I was a toddler, so it would no longer be empty. I remember the dirt tasting good, and slightly sweet. I remember the crushing disappointment when my parents informed me that the mud pies did not count as food, that I was not helping.
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