So, I was nominated for a thing! I am one of 6 nominees for “Outstanding New Voice of the Year (regardless of platform)” by the Witchies 2020 awards, and I am gobsmacked and honored to be included. There are a lot of amazing people and projects which are up for nomination, so please go take a look and cast your vote! http://witchessabbat.com/witchies/

I am not overflowing with confidence that I will win. Quite the contrary, especially since some of the other nominees have a far more substantial following across multiple platforms. However, just being nominated means a tremendous amount to me. That means enough people appreciate my efforts that they thought of me, threw my name in the ring, and the organizers decided I was a valid nominee.

The kinds of content I have shared in past years, predominantly art projects, sewing projects, and how-to tutorials, all had a tendency to inspire large amounts of direct positive responses across social media. Those positive responses went a long way in motivating me to continue sharing my work, because I knew it was appreciated. My writing on paganism has received far less feedback of any kind. Most of the feedback I have had has been positive, but there is so little feedback overall that I have been struggling with wondering how many people are actually reading it and connecting with what I write.

Magic and spirituality are experientially based, rather than being objectively definable, so for the first time in my life I have been struggling with imposter syndrome. I know my experiences are good enough for me, but are they good enough to provide reflection for others? Am I qualified to stand on a podium and ask people to listen to me, to give them advice and at time ask them to change their thoughts and behaviors? Part of me emphatically screams, “YES!” Part of me cringes and says, “Maybe?”

I don’t think that is entirely a bad thing, because it keeps me humble, and questioning my own motivations, perspectives, knowledge, authority, communication skills, and relevance. It keeps me grounded, and aware of my mistakes and missteps. I don’t care how qualified or experienced a person is, they will always make mistakes and missteps. That is a part of life, and when we blind ourselves with overconfidence, such mistakes can become more frequent, and we are less likely to notice or accept them when they happen.

At the same time, it can feel overwhelming and intimidating to wonder if anything is connecting. It’s like throwing darts at a dartboard in the dark, and between impassioned bits of writing and the occasional inspiring bit of feedback, it’s easy to wonder if I am doing the right thing. So far, the answer has always come back with a resounding yes, but the question has remained even as I move forward. Besides, what is the worst that can happen? I waste time writing things no one cares about or reads? That’s about the worst case scenario, and in the greater scheme of things, that is not so bad after all.

And yet, having tangible confirmation that my efforts are not a failure is uplifting for me. It helps to know that I am hitting that dart board, certainly not for every person who reads it, but at least for enough people that it genuinely matters beyond just myself. It is one more reason to keep writing, even when I wonder how much it really matters.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for nominating me to the Witchies 2020 awards, and thank you for your votes.

http://witchessabbat.com/witchies/