Most love magic is ethical, but the unethical kinds of love magic are so flashy and sensational that unethical love magic is usually the first, and often the only kind of love magic to come to mind when the subject is mentioned.  What makes love magic ethical or unethical usually boils down to matters of consent.

A Matter of Consent

Consent has a deceptively simple definition, that it is an agreement or permission for something to happen or be done.

Applying it can be significantly more complicated. People want what they want, and no one wants to be disappointed, so they will at times blur lines or manipulate situations in favor of their desires. This usually creates ambiguity in both what is being requested, and whether or not the answer is a sincere yes.  Also, miscommunications and misperceptions can genuinely happen, especially when communication is limited or ambiguous.

Which is why enthusiastic consent and informed consent become so important, especially when talking about issues of love and romantic or sexual relationships.  In informed consent, all efforts to communicate intentions are done honestly, clearly, and completely.  In enthusiastic consent, the answer is an enthusiastic yes before proceeding.  If consent is even slightly ambiguous, either at the request end or the answer end, then the answer is “no”, or at least “not now”. Continuing without that informed enthusiastic consent would make that effort unethical.

The same thing applies to love magic…

… at least in those situations where the intentions of the love magic directly affect a particular person.

Unethical Love Magic

When I see people saying that all love magic is evil and unethical, I know immediately that they are only thinking of the Hollywood type love magic where an Evil Witch enchants some poor, hapless man, so he is forced to abandon his life and family to be with the Evil Witch that he only feels love and devotion for because of her magical wiles.

In a real life context, this scenario includes people who use love magic because they want to get back together with an ex, or are obsessing about someone who has rejected their affections. Their goal in using love magic magic is to force that specific person into a relationship they have already indicated they do not want. It also includes people who are in failing relationships, and use magic in an effort to alter the way the other person feels, to control the relationship and force the other person to stay.

Those situations, and any others which seek to secretly and forcibly alter the emotions of another specific person, are a gross violation of consent, and therefor unethical.

If consent is even slightly ambiguous, either at the request end or the answer end, then the answer is “no”, or at least “not now”. Continuing without that informed enthusiastic consent would make that effort unethical.”

Ethical Love Magic to Repair a Relationship

An ethical version of using love magic to help repair a declining relationship, would be structuring the spell such that it prioritizes honest, informed, enthusiastic consent.  If the individuals in the relationship are engaging in couples therapy, working through their issues, and sincerely interested in trying to work things out and keep the relationship intact, they may choose to aid those efforts with love magic.

In that situation, all people involved in the relationship (without any deceptions or omissions) would discuss using magic to help boost the relationship, what the intentions of that magic should be, and how to go about it.  Even if only one person is actively doing the magic, everyone needs to be in on the details and agree to all of it, or it is not done with informed and enthusiastic consent. Leaving out any details makes the magic deceptive and unethical.

Sample Love Spell to Aid Repairing a Relationship

You will need a candle and/or incense, along with any components that represent strength, stability, and caring in your relationship.  It can also be helpful to have something to represent each person in the relationship (photos or objects), especially if any of the subjects of the spell will not be present in the space during spellcasting.

Please do change any of the wording so that it best suits your current relationship and current goals.  This incantation is provided as an example, and should be altered as needed.

Sit or stand before your workspace, breathe deep, and take in any sympathetic links you have before you.  Focus your magic on what everyone involved wants from the relationship, and what would make it fulfilling and loving for all involved. When everyone feels seen, supported, and included, it provides a natural path for mutual love to grow.

When you feel settled on your focus, light the candle and/or incense.  Allow the candle/incense to bring power and energy into your intentions, boosting your magic and helping bring it to life.

[Say the names of those involved in the relationship]

We seek to strengthen our love,
so that love may carry our relationship,
and make it all worthwhile.

[Say the names of those involved in the relationship]

We seek to strengthen our love,
as we dedicate ourselves
to the hard work and honest communication
needed to overcome our current difficulties.

[Say the names of those involved in the relationship]

We seek to strengthen our love,
that the future may hold even more love,
and mutual peace,
and mutual security,
and mutual satisfaction,
in this relationship so treasured,
that no matter how worn and battered,
it deserves to see kinder future days.

We, [say the names of those involved in the relationship]
Will It To Be So.

Allow the candle and/or incense to burn itself out, and re-dedicate the spell as needed by burning additional incense or candles, with or without repeating the incantation.

Focus your magic on what everyone involved wants from the relationship, and would make it fulfilling and loving for all involved. When everyone feels seen, supported, and included, it provides a natural path for mutual love to grow.”

If multiple people from the relationship are actively participate in casting the spell, hold hands and speak the incantation.  Speaking it at the same time is cool, but also prone to hiccups, so it is likely more effective to alternate speakers.  Use whatever pattern makes sense to you.  You could have one person leading and the other repeating each line or stanza after, or have each recite the entire incantation, one after the other.  You could also alternate lines, where one says one line and the next the next line, with no repeated lines.

On the last two lines, I recommend having the first speaker say the “We”, followed by each participant saying their own name, and all simultaneously saying “Will it to Be So” or your favorite equivalent.

Ethical Love Magic to Find a New Relationship

Frankly, there is no version of “I want that specific person to love me” that is ethical.  If the other person does not love or want you, they do not love or want you, and fighting that is a violation of consent.  It is unethical whether you are trying to obtain the object of your affections through magic, or through mundane means like deception, coercion, or any other form of manipulation. The fact that that perspective is so often described as “object” of your affections is a giant red flag for the possessive and dehumanizing attitudes involved.

To ethically use magic to boost your odds of finding that perfect partner for you, all you need to do is remove the “that person” intention.  Replace it with something more open, like, “May I meet someone who would be the perfect partner for me.” 

Even better, “May I meet someone who would be the perfect partner for me, and I the perfect partner for them.”

Even better than that, “May I meet someone who would be the perfect partner for me, and I the perfect partner for them.  May we meet at a time and in a place where we will both notice the possibility of a relationship, and have the courage to explore it.”

These versions are ethical because the love magic is looking to act on someone who has the potential to love you even without magic, and the action is meeting, not altering their emotions (and consequently their life choices) without their consent.

Self-Love Magic

One of the most useful, and most marginalized forms of love magic is using magic to help yourself love yourself more.  You don’t even need to worry about consent, since it is just you acting on yourself.  It is always ethical, and the overwhelming majority of the time beneficial without the need to sort out potential unintended consequences.

We all deserve love, and we deserve to love ourselves, but for some people loving themselves is incredibly difficult to do.  After all, you cannot intellectually choose to feel or not feel any emotion, including love.  At any particular moment, you either feel it or you do not, but how we feel, including whether or not we feel love, can change over time.  So, even if you do not feel love for yourself now, you can potentially feel love for yourself sometime down the road.

This is a topic that deserves its own article, so if self-love magic would benefit you, please go read Magic to Encourage Self-Love.