This past weekend a box was found in the back shed at my partner’s parent’s home. This box, thought long gone, had been missing since a move twenty years ago, and it contained almost all my magical tools and altar supplies at the time. I would have been homeless at the time if not for my chosen family. What belongings I kept went into the garage, apparently except for this one box, turning it into a personal time capsule of my magical practice at the age of 23.
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Chapter 4 – “Artists always starve.” That sentence will probably echo in my head in Father’s voice for the rest of my life.
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Chapter 1 – I always had shelter, but did not always have food, and love, well, that was complicated. It should not have been, but it was. As I grew up, my parents constantly said that they loved me, and at the time I did believe them, but tangible, sincere demonstrations of that love, especially little demonstrations, were far less common, and usually delivered in obligatory settings.
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Introduction to my memoir about the abuses and traumas I endured as a child through adulthood, why I wrote it and what you can expect herein.
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The I Accept Good Things Sigil is a shadow work sigil designed to help those who struggle with feeling that they do not deserve support, help, love, or for good things to come their way.
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I realized that I had moved on from my childhood trauma, but I never went back to validate and heal who I was at the time. Essentially, I treated that me exactly the way they had been taught to expect the world to treat them – with utter and complete abandonment. No more. ALL of me deserves validation and healing, and so I am making the dedication on this full moon to accept and nurture the younger me.
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As cases of COVID-19 are surging throughout the United States, I cannot help but wonder about my birth family, how they are faring, and if they are safe. It is a strange thing to have no idea, to be aware that I may never know, to be glad for the estrangement which prevents that knowledge, and yet to wonder and hope that they are well. It creates a paradox of conflicting emotions, a cognitive dissonance, to be so concerned, and yet know that it is far and away in my best interest to retain the distance of estrangement I created.
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Instead of promoting healing, toxic forgiveness usually gives perpetrators a free pass on bad behavior and allows toxic or abusive situations to continue.
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These are my personal reasons for not formally venerating my ancestors, and some things I have done instead to root my practice and connect with death.
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Banishing is used across all forms of magic. Banishing means to make something go away, to put it in the past, and remove it from the present and likely future. It is a loss that is welcome or needed. Most changes, especially deliberate changes, involve some kind of loss or banishment. This can be big things and it can be little things.
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