The Balancing Path (prose) Witchcraft

Magic to Encourage Self-Love

by Sidney Eileen

If you are among the multitudes of people who have trouble loving, or even liking, themselves, love magic can be a powerful tool to help yourself love yourself more.  It can support shadow work and therapy, by adding a magical push to the mental and physical efforts you make.

We all deserve love, and we deserve to love ourselves, but for some people this is incredibly difficult to do.  After all, you cannot simply choose to feel or not feel emotions, including love.  At any particular moment, you either feel it or you do not, but how we feel, including whether or not we feel love, can change over time.  So, even if you do not feel love for yourself now, you can potentially feel love for yourself sometime down the road.

Finding self-love when you do not already feel it is definitely going to involve shadow work, and is also greatly benefitted by therapy (hopefully you have access to it).  It can be a long and difficult journey, but it is also one that has profound benefits.  When you love yourself, it is far more natural to place boundaries that are healthy for you, and to avoid situations, people, or commitments that are bad for you.  Loving yourself can also help bolster willpower when looking to change or avoid self-destructive behaviors.  Not to mention the peace of mind it brings, along with a great many other benefits.

Exactly what kind of spell (or spells) will be most helpful in achieving self-love will vary tremendously depending upon you and what your personal barriers are to loving yourself, but long-term effort is always going to be essential to success.  Developing self-love is not something that happens overnight, even with the aid of magic. 

Even if you do not feel love for yourself now, you can potentially feel love for yourself sometime down the road.”

Below is a very simple sample spell that I expect you to modify to best suit you, followed by some resources on my website that might help you develop your own magic specifically created for your specific situation.  Please do not be afraid to craft your own spells based on what feels right for you.  Self-love magic is about as low-risk as it gets when casting spells.  The worst that is likely to happen is the spell does nothing noticeable, so there is nothing to lose by trying.

Simple Self-Love Spell

Learning to love yourself is a process, so do this spell whenever you feel you would like a magical boost to your efforts.  If you have a daily or regularly scheduled practice, consider adding this into that routine.  This is not a one-time do-and-done kind of magic, and will need repeated workings.

I have provided a number of incantations for you to use, each representing a different stage in being capable of loving yourself.  Before you do the spell, say each of the incantations out loud and write down how each makes you feel.  Does it feel comfortable or uncomfortable, and to what degree?  Does it feel true or like a lie, and to what degree?  Does it make you feel angry or sad or ill?  Does it make you feel hopeful?

Pick the one or more that pushes your boundaries on your current ability to love yourself, that makes you feel uncomfortable or very uncomfortable, yet still hopeful.  By choosing an incantation that feels uncomfortable you are pushing your boundaries towards loving yourself more, but I recommend against going for one that feels like an outright lie.  That feeling of lying to yourself can taint your magic and suppress and override the intended benefits. 

If you want to try, or you know that positive affirmations work for you, use these incantations like positive affirmations before working this spell.  Tell yourself the affirmation in a mirror multiple times each day, until it no longer feels like a lie.  This works for some people, but not others.  In my personal case, no matter how many times I tell myself a lie, it will never stop feeling like a lie.  In fact, repeating the lie as if it is the truth is much more likely to deepen the sense of it being a lie, and also add guilt around lying to myself, worsening the whole problem instead of helping it.

Honesty is a love language, and lies are the enemy of sincere love, creating resentment and mistrust.  By focusing your magic on the incantation or affirmation that is uncomfortable but hopeful, you can push your boundaries while still respecting yourself with honesty.  Over time, as you progress along your healing journey, change the incantation you use to reflect your increased ability to love yourself.

Long-term effort is always going to be essential to success.  Developing self-love is not something that happens overnight, even with the aid of magic.”

The Spell

Optionally dress your altar space with things that represent loving yourself or bring you joy.

Optionally light a candle and/or incense.

Optionally look at yourself in a mirror while reciting your incantation.  If you have one, a small mirror placed on your alter is ideal, as you can reflect the magic you are casting back onto yourself via the mirror, amplifying the impact.

Repeat your chosen incantation(s) three times.  Followed by “So May It Be”, or your favorite equivalent.

  • “I want to be able to feel love for myself.”
  • “I deserve to be able to feel love for myself.”
  • “I will be able to feel love for myself.”
  • “I am capable of feeling love for myself.”
  • “I do feel love for myself.”
  • “I deserve to feel unconditional love for myself.”
  • “I will feel unconditional love for myself.”
  • “I am capable of feeling unconditional love for myself.”
  • “I feel unconditional love for myself.”

If you lit a candle, douse it with the intention to light it again next time you perform the spell.

After finishing your incantation(s), immediately do something to show up for yourself, no strings attached.  Treat yourself to something that makes you happy or demonstrates that you care about your own wellbeing.  Small or big does not matter.  What matters is that you do something which tangibly demonstrates you are willing to show up for yourself, even if you do not feel you deserve it.  This will reinforce your magic by physically demonstrating that you care about yourself and want to love yourself.

The activity following the incantation can be literally anything that makes you happy or demonstrates self-care.  On the small gesture end of things, this can be listening to your favorite music, getting yourself flowers, eating a treat, anything.  The bigger gesture end of things might include taking a long bath, reading a book, watching a movie, doing a hobby, going out for dinner, getting your nails done, and so on.  Literally, anything that matters to you or provides self-care. What matters is making the effort to show up for yourself to validate the message of the incantations.

If you are struggling to feel you deserve to enjoy anything that benefits you, malicious caring is an option.  That is, pick something that you know is good for you or makes you happy, ideally something you avoid because you do not feel you deserve it.  Make yourself do it anyway, because damn it, you are going to take care of yourself whether you want to or not.

Take the time, do the work, and you, too, are capable of someday feeling love for yourself.  You deserve it.

After finishing your incantation(s), immediately do something to show up for yourself, no strings attached… This will reinforce your magic by physically demonstrating that you care about yourself and want to love yourself.”

Resources

Most of these resources are centered around shadow work, trauma, and emotional regulation.  Please utilize the ones that are applicable to your particular situation.

These resources are sigils which can be helpful with shadow work, trauma healing, and emotional regulation.  They are provided here for those who might be interested in using sigils to aid and support their healing journey.